Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Monsters in the Closet...

... and under the bed, and lurking around every corner.

Some days, it's not so easy being a Divorce Coach. Some days, there are attorneys who feel that their livelihood is threatened, and they want to challenge me and what I do. While I am super-careful about never practicing law without a license, I know that there are plenty of attorneys out there who are watching for the tiniest misstep.

Some days, there are angry ex-spouses whose former spouse was a client of mine -- and I get the blame from that ex-spouse for whatever has currently gone wrong in their lives. "I can't pay my bills, and it's all because YOU helped my ex-wife get a bigger settlement!" And far too often, such declarations are followed up with some other sort of "reciprocal" damage or harm.

Some days, I don't even know who it is with some kind of bug up their craw... someone wants to claim that I am doing counseling (I'm not, and I never claim to), someone wants to claim that I'm not qualified (there is no credentialing body for what I do - if someone wants my help, they can pay me, period), someone wants to accuse me of spending too much time doing one thing when they think I should have spent the time doing something else instead.

It can wear a person out.

It can make me wish for those dull days as an engineer, when I had no passion or heart.

It can make me want to just give up, say "to heck with it all" -- let all those divorcing couples just have at it and keep right on doing divorce the old-fashioned way.

This was one of those days. Yuck.

But tomorrow will be a new day. Tomorrow, the attorneys will still be there, the naysayers will still be there, the angry ex-spouses will still be there, the attackers will still be there. However, so will the children. They will still be there, too. They will be there feeling lost and frightened and anxious because their mommies and their daddies are yelling again. They will feel lonely and sad because Daddy will be gone and Mommy will be telling them that Daddy is gone forever and they will never see him again. They will feel terrified when police or other strangers show up and ask them questions. They will feel helpless when they see Mommy cry, and they will feel guilty when they go to Daddy's new house and have a good time. They will believe with all their hearts and minds that the divorce was all their fault, and that if they could just figure out that *one* thing to do, they could get their mommy and daddy back together and their lives would return to normal.

And, because of that - because of the innocent, precious children, and what they experience, and what they feel - I will continue tomorrow. Even after days like today. It's my calling.


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